I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's like heaven, but drunker
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
