I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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