Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
