Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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