I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Vodka?
Forever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
