...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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