I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
