Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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