I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
