I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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