you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
