Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
