I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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