who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
