Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
