today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
