Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
