Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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