I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
