if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
