He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My vagina is officially offended.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
