I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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