I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
