how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
