I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
