I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
