Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
