I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
