He kissed a someone with a penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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