i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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