They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well you can't waste a boner
time to smoke my breakfast
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
