Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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