and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
