i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
