i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
