my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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