As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
