don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
