Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
