i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
