Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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