That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the condom got lost in my hair
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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