Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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