He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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