the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
