she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need moral support for this bender
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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