A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
