respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
