Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
