NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
