No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
