you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
