I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
