it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need a burrito and a hug.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
