Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
