I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
